Sitting here at my job in the Instacare asking myself why I am creating this life I am leading.  If you buy into the "You create your own reality" then I  must be a glutton for punishment!
I plan to make a couple of lists.  One a bucket list of things I would like to do before I get out of this mortal existence and one a list of things that have had or I think would make me happy.
My happy list will include:
Dinner in Kaysville at Setabello watching the fountains and listening to Michael Buble as the fountains dance.
Sitting on the deck of my home (which I have yet to purchase ) in St George at Lakota Ridge enjoying the morning with my Diet Coke.
Skiing with Dru and enjoying a break in the adarondak chairs at Alta Ski Resort.
Golfing with Dru and the kids almost anywhere on a sunny day.
Lying on the beach soaking up the sun.
Catching a great wave on my boogie board.
Trying new restaurants dressed up for a date night.
Having Priest run to me and hug me when I pick him up from school.
Feeling fit and thin.
Driving my Mercedes.
Having all my family around me.
Sunny Days.
The color orange.
Having plenty of Money.
Spending time with Dru.
Watching my children and grandchildren succeed.
Knowing life is eternal and I will be with my family forever.

Bucket List
Be proficient at skiing blue runs.
Be a good golfer.
Read the Book of Mormon.
Go on a Cruise
Go to Hawaii
Take cool trips with the Grands
Be debt Free
Ride Horses again

Well this is it for now.  I will be adding to the list as I go.

What the heck am I doing here?

What was I thinking when I took a job?  I never should have come to the rescue just for Health Insurance.  I realize in retrospect that we had always survived in the past and I am sure we would have survived in the future...yet here I am.  I suppose I should be glad that I have a job with benefits, insurance, and a pension.  The thoughts of lasting here long enough to realize the pension is depressing. 

Sheila 1 year later

I had almost forgotten that I had a blogspot.  So much has happened since my last post but I write today with a heavy heart.  One year ago my beautiful Sister Sheila took her own life.  I thought I had been through my worst days with Dad's illness and death, but this was the worst day so far.  When I lost Cari to her battle with breast cancer in 2005 it was apparent that death was a blessing of sorts.  She would be free from her physical body that was full of cancer and be perfect, healthy and whole with Father in Heaven and all those who loved her in Heaven.  Sheila's death was such a shock.  I will truly never get over it.  I have many regrets about her.  I am sorry that I didn't realize how truly ill she was.  I wish I would have forced her to have a relationship with me.  I realize that too was part of her sickness.  The severe mood swings that have been going on for years.  I guess I must reconcile now that she too is free from her earthly cares and is with those who love her as well.  I just never got the closure and will never make any sense of this tragedy.  The beautiful blonde girl who had it all.  That is what she was and hopefully still is.
I love you and miss you Sheila....my Sister...my Friend.